JESSE EISENBERG: People on the street say mean things to me.
INTERVIEWER: Like what?
JESSE EISENBERG: I get called Napoleon Dynamite because I have curly hair. I live in New York City and I ride a bicycle. I always bike down 9th Avenue and there’s this kid who goes to school there named Abraham. Every time I pass him, he calls me Napoleon Dynamite. He screams it out and his friends laugh. That was a fine movie but I wasn’t in it.
INTERVIEWER: What do you say back?
JESSE EISENBERG: I say, “Please Abraham, I’m not that man.”
keefvanhorn: dont get a life size tattoo of a dog on your hand because it will just be ink covering your hand. get a smaller tattoo of a dog (smaller than your hand)
richwhitelesbian: my dream date? we’re in a nice restaurant, youre a squid. i look down at my menu and everything on it is bugs. i ask the waitress for something without bugs and she laughs and hands me a glass full of bugs. i look back at you and youre a chair on a chair now. nobody notices this. the restaurant changed into my basement at some point and my house is flying. maybe i get to second...
richwhitelesbian: you stare at your girlfriend from the window of the train. it begins to pull out of the station. “i’m kony” she mouths. you can’t hear her or read her lips. she starts crying as the train takes you away
richwhitelesbian: dyslexic teen lights up a weed cigarette at 4:02pm and is tackled by the weed gestapo
snadwich: choir of jacked up preachers shouting “truely” instead of “amen”
sloppydogwash: Worms are found near a lot of dead bodies because the worms killed them.
bbqchip: burritopalace: hey Kalli should I get some 5 am icecream im v hungry y/n? Yeah
onedirection: what makes you beautiful is fulla shit ya goblins we just wanna fuck some hot blondes with nice tits
My mom wants to take the Chinese foreign exchange students to the shitty Chinese restaurant near our house. I’m glad we’re providing such unique opportunities for them to experience.
coolpup: i want kiss
everets: babies cry because they realize they’re shitty idiot babies
kanyewesticle: i saw a chameleon today so i guess it was a pretty shitty chameleon
Odd Future talking about Frank Ocean
Tyler: Most people think that since he sings, he's the more mature one, that he wouldn't really fuck with a bunch of dumb young niggas and shit.
Interviewer: Is he older than y'all?
Tyler: Yeah. He's the wise one. He does old nigga shit, like, eatin yogurt, and bread.
Domo: Yogurt ain't that old.
Tyler: Fine like oatmeal. The one with no flavor though.
Domo: Yeah that's old nigga shit.
Tyler: And Frank might kill me for this, but, that nigga eats Pop-Tarts with no icing
Domo: That shit's like a Bread-Tart
Tyler: It's like bread with fruit. Like that nigga put an apple with bread and ate it.
Domo: Where does he find that. He orders that shit off the internet.
finalfantasyfootball: joseph gordon levitt looks like he always just ate a huge meal at his grandmas house and now he’s real sleepy
rect: WONKA MEME is written on your wall in blood. where did it come from? a million hands protrude from the floor beneath and pull you underground. a speaking baby crawls to your feet and looks up at you. “welcome to the friend zone” it whispers.
rect: i want to stay awake so long that i end up trying to kill myself because a ghost wont answer my questions u know thats life sometimes
Seeing the cabin in the woods again tonight.
clearlywrong: Because seriously, any chance to see that movie on a big screen is one to be taken.
clavid: in seventh grade my girlfriend wrote me a note to break up with me and i acted like i didnt find it and acted completely normal all day and sat with her at lunch and then at the end of the day i broke up with her in front of our whole math class and she said I BROKE UP WITH YOU FIRST and i said wow thats pathetic and nobody believes that and she cried and i watched gay porn in 7th grade...
massminority: pentacletier: ‘nice guys’ vs. ‘gamer girls’: battle of the most annoying who will win
andyvantageous: have u ever accidently opened photobooth and had your natural expression staring back at you it’s horrible
rect: my plan tonight is to light a few candles drink some wine and save the world answering one yahoo question at a time
yardsard: so i found this old bottle and decided to try and make some music with it! let me know what you guys think :)
avrillavignechronicles: Avril Lavigne snickers as she places a bible under the fiction sign at Barnes and Noble.
godyewest: qiuncy: i-do-npt: milesjai: Previously on Drake and Josh… what iS THIS oH MY GOD i amSQUEALING